i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
