i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
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