Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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