i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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