Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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