votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
