I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize