Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
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