I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize