Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
My pussy is not your playground.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
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