Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Randomize
