So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
People in love make me want to vomit
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
