just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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