so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
