I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
