If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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