Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
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