The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
