We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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