I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
