Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
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