shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
We named our party play list daddy issues
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
