if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
