make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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