I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
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