he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Let's paint friendship bongs
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
