My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Randomize
