Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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