id be glad to
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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