I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
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