Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
COCAINE IS GR8
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
