What did we do last night that was yellow?
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
