I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Randomize
