Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize