my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
You're completely useless in the revolution.
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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