got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
