I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
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