We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Randomize
