i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Randomize
