How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
