You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
