I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
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