tell your sister to shave her snatch
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Oh god it's open bar.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
