bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
