alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
