its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
