ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
