your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
