watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Randomize
