How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
MIDGETS
????
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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