The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Randomize
