He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
