Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
