I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
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