Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
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