All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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