All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
