I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
My Sexting was not on an AP level
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
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