I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
