I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Randomize
