why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize