i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Rumble strips road head = magical
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
