His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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