Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
