Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
