Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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