Christians are straight up FREAKS
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
