I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
