why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize