he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
We are two peas in an std pod
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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