They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
