something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize
