it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
