I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize