Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
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