Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Randomize
