It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
