So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
