I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
