you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Randomize
