I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Randomize
