Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
