Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
