Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Randomize
