You really coming over, don't trick.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
