I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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