I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
