we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
