Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Randomize
