woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
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