I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
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