jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
