What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
