I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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