Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
