Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Randomize
