they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
The struggles of a small town man whore
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
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