I think im going to throw up on grandma
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Randomize
