Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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