were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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